“In the entire history of the world, no one has ever washed a rental car.”
I heard that joke not too long ago in a comedian’s monologue. But the more I think about it, the more wisdom I find. In fact, I think it may provide a key to understanding teenagers. Let me explain.
It’s all about ownership. Ownership buys more that just a thing. It buys pride. It buys self-respect. And when you’re proud of something you own, you take better care of that thing.
And one more thing — ownership buys one giant step toward becoming an adult.
We all know that the teenage years are a stormy period. So how can we use this information to help you better understand your teenager and avoid needless disputes.
Teenagers are not stupid. They believe when a parent says, “Clean your room,” that is not what the parent really means. Teens think that what the parent actually means to say is, “Clean MY room. I pay the mortgage. I pay the electricity. I bought a super-duper, all-the whistles-and-bells vacuum cleaner. The least you can do is simply use it. Now! Because I said so!!”
And, if truth be told, that may not be so far from what we parents really are thinking. After all, parents take pride in their ownership, too, and hate to see their home abused. But how do teens see that very same room?
Teens see their room as their sanctuary; their place to hide from the world. And that is why is it off limits to little siblings, and possibly even to parents. But down deep inside, teens have no ownership of their room. They are merely borrowing the room—renting– until they can move out and get a place of their own.
Wow!! What a difference in perceptions! No wonder there are disputes between parents and teens. So what is a parent to do? Simply this–let them grow up. Treat them with respect. Help them set a goal for what they plan to buy with their own money. And let them figure out a way to earn it.
For many teens the first big thing they own will be a car—to replace the one they borrowed from you. It’s amazing to watch someone, who couldn’t remember to put the toilet seat down, as they are suddenly capable of regularly getting the oil changed. They don’t park it under that sappy tree anymore. And they wash off the salt in wintertime. In other words, they grow up.
Why? Because they own it. It is all part of preparing to leave the nest. And that’s OK. That self-respect and pride of ownership will lead to your teen developing a new self-reliance and maturity. And isn’t that what we really want for them to learn anyway?
Until next time,
Sharon
